July 8 2005

Maybe it’s my age

Just last night I was noticing how I have come to dread going to bed. I thought to myself, how that was happening more and more, and perhaps I should blog about it. I talked myself out of it, knowing it would only delay bed more.

Ever since 9/11 I have had moments like this. I just know that while I sleep, something is happening. It’s never really connected to anything, you just think of it. Waking up to a screaming friend to get out of bed and turn on a tv makes you move pretty fast. Ever since then, I just sometimes don’t want to go to bed….for fear of missing something. I woke up after the fires at the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, TX…I woke up after the Oklahoma City Bombing…I woke up after the second plane hit the twin towers of the World Trade Center, but before the first tower fell.

Last night, I was thinking of this around 3:15 AM CST….9:15 AM in London. The first bombs had already gone off. I had no clue until I got up this morning at 9:15 AM CST, 3:15 PM in London, what had happened.

Now I sit here…I’m tired…I have a ton of work to do tomorrow…I should go to bed…and I’m almost scared to. I am a grown man, a mature man, and I fear my own sleep. Its almost like if I take my eyes off the world something might happen. It’s not as if I think I have some power and can influence events with my mere thoughts, it’s just I am tired of waking up to tragedy after tragedy. I don’t want to wake up to “Special Reports” or “Breaking News”ever again, all they mean is bad news.

This morning, one of my employees arrived at work and I had the TV on listening to one of the press briefings. He opened the door to office and heard the TV, it is odd for it to be on. His first words were “If the TV’s on, it can’t be good.”

If I’m waking up, it can’t be good…

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