“Forgive me Reality TV Father, for I have sinned.”

“What is your sin my son?”

“I am a self-professed Reality TV junkie and I….I….”

“Please my child, you can tell me anything.”

“I’ve….I’VE NEVER WATCHED AN EPISODE OF AMERICAN IDOL!”

“HERESY! Heresy I say!”

“I can’t help it Father. I just look at the commercials and think ‘Why in the world do I want to watch some half-assed morons, with little to no real talent be handed a fantastic career on a platter when so many real musicians are out there struggling to get their voice heard?’ It seems wrong to me Father, it seems like it goes against the whole concept of the music industry.”

“But my son, this isn’t the music industry, it is the Realm of Reality TV that our Lord Mark Burnett bestowed upon us in that fateful Summer of the year 2000 when he brought us his child, Survivor, by which all others are judged.”

“I know Father, but with all the other great reality choices out there, American Idol just holds no interest to me. I know that seems wrong since it averages around 38 million viewers, but words can not express just how disinterested I am in it!”

“Well my son, this is a great sin against the Holy Church Of Reality Television, but we are forgiving.”

“Thank you Father! What is my penance?”

“Say 20 Hail Colleens….”

“Phew…not a problem!”

“…and watch Apprentice 5 from the beginning again.”

“Can I just choose death? Please?”