January 15 2008

MacBook Paper

I know everyone is excited about the MacBook Air, and I hate to steal its thunder, but I have come across some top secret photos of the next iteration of the MacBooks!

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, let me introduce you to the MacBook Paper!

MacBook Paper

This is how I think the presentation might go.”The MacBook Air was amazing, measuring only an astounding 0.76″ thick, and that was quite an accomplishment, but we were sure we could do even better. So, today we’re introducing the MacBook Paper. It measures in at a mere .004″ thick.We had our designers working over time on this, and I just can’t believe what a quality job they did, this truly is the most exciting MacBook yet.With MacBook Air, we were all excited about bringing in the weight at 3 pounds, but even that was just too heavy. I wanted it lighter, I wanted to barely know I was holding it, so this comes in at… 1 gram. I really don’t know how we can get any lighter, but we’ll be trying!

Now, the screen size was an issue, but we got it worked out, and it’s truly a full-screen, 8 & 1/2″ X 11″, there’s not a millimeter of space that isn’t occupied by this display… it’s amazing.

MacBook Paper InterfaceInterface has always been an issue. Too many keys, QWERTY is a thing of the past, I’m bored with it. So, I looked to the iPhone and iPod Touch, one button, that’s all we needed, so why not have one interface for the entire Paper?

We’re going old school with a stylus folks. That’s right, you’ll be able to write on the MacBook Paper, making this our first tablet Mac!

-hold for roar of the crowd and widespread adulation-

iCarrierThank you… thank you… and for those of you wondering where the stylus fits since it’s thicker than the Paper, we’ve come up with a universal holder you can take with you anywhere. The iCarrier will come free with the MacBook Paper, but because it’s just so good looking, you’ll be able to buy them today at the Apple Store for $29.99.

I really don’t know how many more features I can announce on this but there’s even more. Battery life. It’s always been a problem, running out of power just as you’re finishing a document in Pages, so, again I went to the designers, and we think we’ve done it… the iBattery. If you’re awake, it’s on. I was up for 48 hours straight with the thing, and it didn’t die on me once!

Now, we did find storage space a bit tricky, I’m not going to lie. Hard drive designers just couldn’t keep up with us. So, it may sound a bit crazy, but… we’re selling them in bulk. You’ll get 500 MacBook Papers at a time.

-random heads in the crowd explode-

It’s okay, there’ll be clean-up crews moving amongst you, we planned for this. They’ll be using the new iVacs by the way, that guy from Dyson got on my nerves, so we designed a vacuum with 50% more power than his.

So, to recap, full-size screen, unlimited battery, one touch interface, the iCarrier comes with it, 500 in a package, you can order yours in the Apple stores today for $999. We may have actually gone too low this time, but we view this as a great introductory level Mac for the novices.

Oh, and one last thing, we’ve gone completely green with this one, it’s 100% recyclable.”

With all apologies to Fake Steve Jobs… because that really isn’t the vibe I was going for.

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