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April 4 2008

And, So It Begins…

DevastatorSome mornings you wake up with a feeling of dread. Maybe you slept wrong, or perhaps there is a high pressure system moving in, destined to make your sinuses ache and throb. Other mornings your eyes snap open… a cold sweat trickling down your spine… you know the evil is approaching, you can feel it in your soul, and you gasp out a word or a phrase. Today was one of those days for me… I knew the evil was approaching, the end was nigh, and I muttered…

“Michael Bay”

It’s time again, time for me to cry as my beloved Transformers once again get violated by one of the most talentless hacks working in Hollywood today. News is hitting the net that Satan Michael Bay worked on the outline of Transformers 2 during the recent writer’s strike, and since that wound down, he’s handed it over to the script writers to finish for a July start of filming.

The biggest rumor is that the Constructicons, a group of six Decepticons that form together to make Devastator, will appear in this one. This is someone’s computer artwork to the right of Devastator, you can click on it to see a much bigger view, but I promise it is not an image from the movie… it’s too close to the original for Bay to work with it. It’s been long suspected these guys would appear in the second movie, so much so that fans were questioning why the mine vehicle in the first movie was named “Bonecrusher“. Originally that was the name of the bulldozer/left arm of the Constructicons, which led to people wonder why the name was used for a non-bulldozer character. As much as I dislike Bay, and we did see Bonecrusher “die”, he could always explain it away that the robot just rescanned to take on a new form, but we’ll see what he does with it.

What is worrisome is he seems to have learned nothing about too many human characters if this casting information is to be believed.

[CHUCK] 19-25 yrs., Sam’s roommate at Princeton. He runs a conspiracy theory website. Funny in an irreverent, edgy way, he is shocked to see his conspiracy theories come to life. (2nd Lead)

[U.S. MILITARY LEADER] Late 20s/early 30s, African American with a great sense of humor and a tough military presence. (Supporting lead)

[UK SPECIAL FORCES LEADER] British, in his early to mid 30s, smart and capable. Can be Caucasian, Black, East Indian. (Supporting lead)

[GALLOWAY] Early 40s-early 50s, male, National Security Advisor and presidential liaison. A curt man who is tightly wound. (Supporting Lead)

[PROFESSOR COLAN] 40s, Sam’s physics professor at Princeton. He’s a self-satisfied intellectual who compares himself to Einstein, and is arrogant enough to wear leather pants to look cool. (1 Scene)

[THERESA] Early 30s; she’s Sgt. Epps’ wife, has 4 kids, sassy and sexy, good with comedy. Submit African American actresses only

[MOMMA SIMMONS] This NY Momma is in her late 60s / early 70s. She runs a deli/ butcher shop with her son in Brooklyn. Tough and sarcastic. (1 Scene)

[MASSIVE DYNAMICS CEO] 50s, male, this Corporate CEO appears in front of congress to testify. (1 speech/scene)

[TEXAS CONGRESSMAN] 55-65 yrs., on a Congressional Committee investigating the purpose of the “Automated Defensive Initiative” developed by Massive Dynamics.

[FBI DIRECTOR] Mid 50s, male, giving a press release assuring the public they will be safe against attacks. (1 speech/scene)

[CNN REPORTER] Reporting on missile strikes and bombings in various cities. Submit male / female, all ethnicities (1 speech)

Why can’t he learn that people couldn’t care less about the humnas?  Yet, here we are again with him loading up the film with superfluous humans.  Do we really need Sgt. Epps’ wife?  An “Automated Defensive Initiative” that has a sub-plot with congressman?  Bay said in several interviews that this one would be more robot-centric… this sure doesn’t look robot-centric to me.  Oh… wait, did he mean the actors’ performances?  My bad.

Expect more whining as filming progresses.



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  • Should come as no great surprise… Bay is a wham-bam hack a la Bruckheimer. The plotlines of his CGI-fests are always painfully laughable, with intrique and humor that caters to junior high school level mentalities.

    And yet many, many of my younger friends rave about how great Transformers and many of Bay’s earlier movies are. Today’s moviegoers seem largely satisfied with 86 minute films that’re more fluff than substance.

    Dunno if you saw “Two and a Half men” on CBS last week, but those guys nailed it… “Jaws” would never make it today – you didn’t even see the bad guy for over the first hour of the movie. Generally speaking, Gen Y & Z moviegoers need far more immediate gratification than that. Of course, these are the same folks who’re texting their buds via cell phone during the slow parts of films…

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