December 20 2008

Crimes of Fashion: Christmas Sweaters

christmas sweatersI can’t take it any more… Christmas Sweaters must be banned.

While I am certainly no slave to fashion, I can be a bit harsh in sizing up other people that make really atrocious fashion choices.  Like my hatred of Crocs, I think I hate Christmas sweaters with an even larger passion.  The main reason for my hatred spawns from the concept that they are somehow acceptable.  Oh, yes, wearing bejeweled sweaters with a theme is perfectly okay because it’s Christmas, dontcha ya know.

No, it’s not okay, now stop walking around Walmart in them!

Everyone is entitled to their personal choices in fashion, and everyone is entitled to showing their Christmas spirit, but come on folks, these things are just horrid.  Name one other time during the year you would feel it’s okay to wear a sweater with large fake jewels, conchs and what looks to be a knitted mustache? If you answered “never”, like you should have, then why in the world are you wearing them around the holidays?  What is it about the holidays that make people toss any sort of practical fashion sense right out the door.

I think I might even understand this a bit more if people only wore them to Christmas parties, but I see women wearing them at Walmart, while eating at Ruby Tuesday, while pumping their gas and so on and so forth.  In other words, somehow in December it becomes okay to wear ugly sweaters 24/7.

santa sweaters close upPlease stop.  If not for yourself, think of the example you are setting for the future generations of the world.  Do you really want to set bad fashion examples for the young and impressionable minds of this world?  I think the sweater I’ve pictured with this post could possibly turn a person to drugs.  “But, mom, I wanted to see people’s faces melt into conches just like on your sweater!”

Please, can we just give up on the Christmas sweaters in general?

For regular readers of this blog, you may have noticed this post belongs in a brand new category, “Crimes Of Fashion”.  Don’t worry, this won’t happen often, I don’t think I’ve written anything about fashion since my Crocs post in June of 2007, so you know it has to be a pretty heinous fashion crime for me to speak up on it.  So don’t expect me to rant about fashion all of the time, just every, oh, 18-months or so.

So, what say you, is the Christmas sweater a fashion do or don’t?

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  • Brenda

    I think there is a time for Christmas sweaters. At tacky holiday parties.

  • Meaghan


  • Dammit, Jack, can't you just let me rant about random nonsense without being all logical and folklorey all the time?!? (although what you said made perfect sense, and I will be testing this theory by wearing a red pompom nose on my left nipple…)

  • Contrary Jack

    As a folklorist, I guess think of Christmas sweaters as being more in the realm of *costume* than the category of *fashion*. Think of it like Mardi Gras masks and Halloween costumes and it may hurt less. Goofiness and gaudiness are part of the point with Christmas sweaters. They have an aesthetic all their own, like Christmas stuff generally. Light displays all around your house are also ugly as hell, except they're part of the festival moment, aren't they? It's all part of the deep human need to ward off the cold (cold weather and cold heart) and the dark (both the longest night of the year and the dark night of the soul).

    It's hard to take things so seriously when you're wearing Rudolph on your chest with a big red pompom nose on your left nipple.

  • Julie Stewart-Hays

    Finally, someone who agrees with me. The sooner we all ban together to get these banned, the better. Unfortunately, they keep cropping up in Goodwill Stores everywhere. I also take a stand against women wearing men's crew neck t shirts with mom jeans-just about as flattering!

  • brenda

    There is nothing wrong with wearing a cChristmas sweater to celebrate the season. Don't be such a scrooge.