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January 24 2009

Logic Was Never A Strong Point In The Star Wars Movies

turbolasersI had the most random thought about Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope today, and I have no idea why it popped in to my head.

While I used to obsess over every insane little detail of Star Wars, I really haven’t done that in a long time, so I am at a complete loss as to why I suddenly started thinking about the attack on the Death Star today at the end of the fourth film.  I’m talking about when the actual attack run on the trench is going on, and the turbo lasers are firing at the fighters as they fly down the trench.

Why didn’t somebody just go block the exhaust port?

Obviously Grand Moff Tarkin, the commander of the battle station, had taken the view that the fighters would never succeed, but did no low level gunner or soldier not see there was an obvious problem with what was going on?  Here is how I envisioned a conversation going on inside one of the turbolaser batteries during the fight.

Gunner #1 – I don’t get this!  Why do they keep coming down our trench?!

Gunner #2 – I know!  I just heard from Bob over in trench E-22, and he said they haven’t seen one of these fighters yet!

Gunner #1 – Really?  I heard from Steve over in W-34, and he said the same thing!

Gunner #2 – Wonder why they picked our trench… I mean, all we have is that exhaust port, right below the main port, and I can’t imagine any one getting the excited over…

-gunners stare at each other-

Gunner#1 – Hey, you think maybe we should go weld something over that real quick?

Gunner #2 – Naw, I mean, what are the chances of one of them sinking any torpedoes in that?… Hey, did you just hear a big explosion?

Obviously this conversation never happened, otherwise Luke Skywalker would have never sunk his magically controlled torpedos down the tube to destroy the station.  You do have to wonder how they never noticed the Rebels were flying down this one particular trench over and over, and ignoring all the rest.  Did no one in the Imperial Navy not pick up on this odd little fact?

Okay, yeah, I do think of the oddest things while shampooing my hair.



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  • ugh, this got into the spam folder somehow.

    Yes, you read my mind, hence why I had the grunts saying it… stupid commanders!