May 3 2009

Bottle Opener Shoes Add Toe Jam To Your Favorite Bottled Beverage

bottle opener shoesYou know what this world was lacking? Shoes with a built-in bottle opener.

Hot Topic, the chain of mall stores that has turned legions of teenagers into wanna-be vampires, have solved one of the last great problems of life on Earth: never having a bottle opener when you need it.  GENIUS!  I want to meet the person who came up with this concept and shake their hand… and then check to see if they have some pre-existing history of mental illness.

These 4″ stilettos sell for $39.99 (a sure sign that only quality materials were used in their construction), which, while not a king’s ransom, is still too high for shoes… with a bottle opener in them.  I mean, honestly, have you ever once thought, “You know, I wish I could find a way to get food containers closet to my shoes that have walked through who knows what?”  True, the opener is rather high on the shoe, but still… ew.

Let us also not forget that just about everyone has experienced a bit of splash-out when opening a bottle, so enjoy your shoe getting sticky from your favorite beverage.  Another interesting question is just how many bottles still come without a screw off lid?  Not that many in my experience.

I would honestly love to know how they even came up with such a contraption.  How do you honestly sit around and go, “You know, women’s lives would be so much simpler if they just had a bottle opener built into their shoe.”  I mean, kudos to Hot Topic if this is some odd ball demographic I’ve never heard of, but in general, this really does fall into the “What in the hell were you smoking when you thought of it” category.  All I can imagine is with this chain’s focus on goth/vampire apparel, they must have been expecting a run on people buying True Blood (although I believe it has a screw off top in the television series).

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