I have come to the conclusion I am in the wrong professions.

Over my years in business and journalism, I have been flooded with the predictions of analysts. One thing I have always noticed is that if something is said by an “analyst” people immediately give it credence … no matter how asinine it might be.

I found this headline yesterday:

Shift to e-books to hurt bookstores, analysts say

Really?  You don’t say?  And this was followed up by the first paragraph:

The shift to digital from physical books will ultimately hurt traditional brick-and-mortar book sellers, analysts said Friday…

Wow … that’s some hard hitting analysis there.

This is the kind of hard hitting “analysis” I have always seen from “analysts” that make me wonder how in the world they keep their jobs.  Apparently you can keep your job by making obvious observations about any subject you can think of, and people will think you are some sort of seer.

One of my all time favorites had to be one from Aug. 2008 where an analyst got major headlines for saying that he predicted Apple would release new iPods in Sept. 2008.  Wow, really?  You mean just like Apple has done every Sept. since 2005?  Did you really have to rack your brain to come up with the “analysis” that Apple would do it for a fourth consecutive year?

I think this stems from the fact that people have always wanted to know the future, and, to be honest, I see analysts as nothing more than modern day fortune tellers.  If they’re wrong, oh well, they must have not had a vital piece of information, but if they’re right, well then they have “a track record” of being right.

Most of these people probably go into this line of work with the best of intentions, I highly doubt they think they are going to pull the wool over people’s eyes, but come on, they are nothing special.  I long ago stopped paying attention to anything “analysts” say because a lot of times, like that iPod prediction, I feel like it is some guy sitting in his office on a Friday afternoon going, “Drat, I haven’t released any analysis this week … um … oh, here you go, ‘new iPods this September!’ … okay, I’m off to the Hamptons for the weekend, hold my calls!”

So, I want in on this line of work.  I’ll release “analysis” all day long if you like … here, have a free sample of what I could do for your company!

Based on historical data, and factoring in the current climate in the business community, I feel confident in sharing with your stock holders that the Sun will indeed rise in the East tomorrow morning, local time.

Am I an “analyst” now?