So, I finally watched Transformers Revenge of the Fallen … what the hell was that mess?

The plot, what there was of it, was just beyond silly, and since it has already been ravaged just about everywhere you could think of, I thought I would just address the total disconnects from logic that happened.

Demolisher was destroyed in China

It seems that there were at least two of each Constructicon, which makes absolutely no sense.  Demolisher was the name of the big Decepticon destroyed in China, yet he shows up in Egypt to help form Devestator.

During the Devestator fight, there are also Constructicons in the foot battle in the village.  Mix Master (cement truck), Long Haul (green dump truck) and Rampage (bulldozer) are in both places at the same time.  Either there were two of each Constructicon (which nothing like that has ever happened anywhere in Transformers history with the exception of Generation 1 Decepticon planes, but each of them had different names and color schemes), or it is a total continuity error.  Yes, I realize it costs money for each new computer model, but come on, this was a bit obvious.

What happened to Wheelie?

Wheelie, the little blue RC truck, is with everyone when Jetfire forms the Space Bridge to Egypt.  You see him in Egypt when they arrive … and then he is never seen or mentioned again.  He plays an important part through the first two acts of the film, and then in the third act he is just dropped like a hot potato to never be heard from again.  Nice.

Okay … I lied … lets look at some of the script issues.

Does Leo Spitz serve any purpose?

Near as I can figure the character of Leo Spitz served only as comic relief and an excuse to get Sam and Mikaela back together with Simmons.  This could have been accomplished with Sam looking up info on the Web and stumbling across Simmons’ Web site.  Leo could have been completely eliminated from the script and you wouldn’t have missed a minute of plot development.

The National Security Agency character was totally unneeded.

Theodore Galloway, the American National Security Advisor, is another character that could have been totally eliminated. Replace him with General Morshower reluctantly conveying messages from the White House and you gain even more script space.  I think Michael Bay just always likes to have an annoying government character around to aggravate people.

Was I supposed to fear The Fallen?

He ran around for a few minutes, said some menacing things … got his ass kicked.  The whole movie was named for him and he was a total joke.

Why did the Twins change vehicle modes in the opening minutes?

Skids and Mudflap were the combined ice cream truck in China, they get home and immediately scan into new vehicle modes … why?  If anything screamed “lets add some more toys to the movie!”, this was it.

Sam tells Bumblebee he no longer needs a guardian

Sam walks into the garage and tells Bumblebee he no longer needs a guardian … while fireman are still extinguishing the fires from the fight Bumblebee just had with several mini-Decepticons that Sam yelled for him to protect him from.  Yep … all the danger is gone … because the firemen are right outside … where Mikaela is changing clothes …

Michael Bay has the memory of a gnat

Oh, wait, it’s just that he thinks his audience has no capability to remember anything five seconds after it happened.

There really are an endless stream of things you can say negatively about this movie, but what’s the point?  It made over $800 million worldwide, pre-production has started on the third film with Mr. Bay still in charge, so what does it all matter?  It will just be another giant suckfest.

As I’ve said before, I don’t care if movies totally disconnect from reality so long as they don’t do stupid things that insult the audience’s intelligence.  Disappearing characters, jumps in a film’s own established logic, etc are what irk me, and that is Mr. Bay in just about everything he does.