When does a TV cast get too big? buff.ly/2NnI0Oz
We open on Buffy flying.
Yes, you read that right … flying. As in like Superman does. Don’t worry, she’s as confused by it as we are, and she has no clue why or how she can do it , and she doesn’t understand why she feels the need to hide it from everyone else.
After landing she walks into Oz’s temple, while Willow and Oz walk around talking outside. She apologizes to Oz for all the trouble they brought to his home, but he assures her that Bay (mother of his child) will be fine, and since it’s Tiber, they aren’t the first to bring war to the country.
Willow thanks him and she wonders how she can get her magicks back quickly … when she gets hit with green energy, her eyes glow, and … Willow is back to full power. Oz seems shocked, and Willow tells him it was “like an aftershock. Fallout from some cataclysmic mystical event.” Oz asks her if she knows what it was, and she says she doesn’t because it hasn’t happened yet.
Xander and Dawn come running out to tell Willow that six of the Wiccans have gotten their powers back after collapsing. They notice Willow is glowing and think it’s time to go after the three goddesses that are sill rampaging across the countryside. Willow tells them to get the Wiccans on researching the temporal event she just felt, and she takes flight to go try and shove the goddesses back underground.
We cut to Buffy talking to a still injured Riley about the mistakes of the battle, but he informs her he saw intelligence, courage and compassion in the fact she is treating the wounded of the enemy. He tells her he is proud of her, and she wonders if they gave him the most morphine … he says also a couple shots of Jack, but he thinks he’s good to drive. She tells him to sleep.
We cut to Twilight standing over the unconscious bodies of Andrew, Faith and Giles. He rambles about the amount of destruction, the confusion and the spell his Wiccans will make sure it is hours before they are missed, and days before they are sought. He refers to Giles as her trust, Faith as her guilt and to Andrew as … “And your name will come back to me.” He says that this will make Buffy finally see the truth, if she is able to see at all.
The Wiccans are casting a spell to find the missing Slayers, and Xander says they can send out a … “or wait. We can wait. They’ll show.”
Willow is trying to lasso the goddesses with magicks and they punt her. She knows she is back to being sorceress supreme, but these goddesses are out of her league, and she worries what will happen if they reach a populated area. She goes in for another go … and gets punted again. “Damn! What am I, a hacky sack?”
A wonded soldier asks Buffy if she’s a witch. She explains she’s a vampire Slayer. He tells her that they (meaning Twilight’s army) told the soldiers that they had magic powers and would do things to them. She says if they did, they would have healed them by now. He asks her if she’s in love, she says they should take it slow, and he starts to tell Buffy about Jenna Abrams, and how he should have said something to her at the dance, and he doesn’t know what he was afraid of, and nothing could be worse … Buffy reaches over and closes his eyelids.
Xander says they’ll need that bed. He asks how she is, and she says she is tired of seeing this, tired of causing it. He tells her it’s a war, and she didn’t start it. He informs her Willow got her powers back, and Buffy wants to know if she got more power. Xander says she wasn’t dark if that’s what she means, and tells her that Willow has gone off to fight the goddesses. He tells Buffy she’s proud of what she did, and she says that’s the same thing Riley said. He says that Riley is a brainy guy, and she wonders when he became a fan of him. “Your one boyfriend who wasn’t a psychotic demon? I was always team Riley.”
Buffy remembers he got all tough love about Riley, and he says it too little too late, and she says that’s her motto. She asks if she’s too late, and he wants to know for what. She says for him. He responds with “Whotothehowtothehammina?” (I’m going to transcribe this whole convo as we have waited eight seasons for it)
Buffy: You and Dawn.
Xander: Oh, is that a conversation that’s happening?
Buffy: No, it’s fine. Dawn’s a grown woman, and you’re a disgusting pedophile.
Buffy: Craddle Robber? Come on! I at least get craddle robber …
Xander: You get to mind your own beeswax.
Buffy: It is my beeswax! She’s my sister and you and I …
Xander: You and I what? Wait — Whats ‘too late again’ mean?
Buffy: Nothing! It just … it means … it’s just … what about me?
Xander: Yooou … have feelings. At me.
Buffy: Would that be good?
Xander: That would be great. … If it was a bunch of years ago and you actually meant it.
Buffy: You don’t know how …
Xander: Puh. Leaze.
Buffy: Feelings develop. People change!
Xander: And now you like me. I made the list.
Buffy: There’s not a —
Xander: Hey, that’s a big deal! I’m a potential romantic interest! I’m on the list — right after being gay. I rate almost as good as trying to change your sexual orientation. You went — THROUGH GAY — to me.
Buffy: I was having a phase! I’m supposed to have that phase!
Xander: And now all this comes right when I’m kissing your sister. Coincidence?
Buffy: No! I mean yes! I mean it’s been … happening! It has nothing to do with with seeing you kiss.
Xander: Of yes it does! It does because even if you felt something before, once you saw us together you should know the decent thing to do would be to keep it to yourself!
Buffy: That is the most — oh. Yeah.
Xander: Dawn has loved me her whole life. It’s not unweird, knowing her since she was little, and I do feel a tad bit bit Humbert Humbert … or Henry Higgins … I can never remember which is which … but she’s grown. And shrunk. She’s not the same. I’m kind of in love with her. Sorry.
Buffy: No, it’s good. I love you both. And I’m sorry I’m the worst person in the universe.
Xander: Ah, it’s part of your charm.
Buffy: You won’t tell Dawn how I’m the worst person in the universe?
Buffy: And do I still get to make craddle-robber jokes?
Xander: Just used up your last.
As they hug, Dawn interrupts with “Uh, cough. Noise of cough.” Buffy tells her it was a friend hug “because of sad. No subtle bosom-pressing in hug.” Dawn says she knows Buffy could never do anything subtle. Xander tells Dawn the cat’s out of the bag, and Buffy says, “And I approve. I’m Buffy, and I approve of this kissage.” (Joss should write every issue … I miss his banter … and murdering of the English language.)
Dawn says she doesn’t care, and they have three goddess-sized problems. Willow can’t handle them alone, and Buffy says she has an idea, and then gets shocked by Xander and dawn diving right into a public display of affection.
They talk to a giant astral projection of Willow’s head … and she worries her nostrils look huge. Buffy says she looks fine, but they are finding out Willow’s magicks are bouncing off of the goddesses. Buffy tells Willow to dig her a giant hole, and she’ll handle the rest.
Buffy heads outside with Xander, Dawn and Kennedy in tow. They want to know if she’s going to use artillery. She says no, and that it involves something she hoped not to mention. Kennedy says “You’re a dyke.” Xander says “It’s a nuke. Dawn says, “You sacrifice a ‘key’ …” while making air quotes. “Thanks for the vote of no confidence and shut your mouths, and look. Up in the sky.” Buffy flies away.
Kennedy: That’s actually hot.
Xander: I … don’t agree.
Dawn: Gape. (she actually said “Gape.”)
Willow dug the hole … Buffy starts beating the crud out of the goddesses and shoves them in the hole. Willow says if they stay dormant they should all get the powers back now as she seals the hole. Buffy asks about herself, and Willow says she doesn’t get her. Willow wants to run tests on her. Buffy tells her Xander and Dawn are in love. Willow is thrilled they finally figured it out.
While I haven’t been a huge fan of the one-shot issues, just as he did in the television series, when Joss does the actual writing, you get a ton of story development. Something is up with Buffy … Willow sensed something big happening … Xander and Dawn are outed … and we get the Xander/Buffy conversation we’ve waited for since season one. A friend once told me, “If Joss has the writing and directing credits on an episode, expect pain.” This wasn’t so much pain as the typical Joss way of saying, “Here comes the Big Bad fight, let me get these subplots out of the way and set up how Buffy will win.”
Joss can write as many one-shots as he wants if it was as good as this one.
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