August 8 2010

Walmart Birthday Cakes Suck

Have you ever had a birthday cake that was so bad that you were still trying to get the taste out of your mouth 12 hours after eating it?  I can now check this off my list.

While my family was home for my birthday on July 20th, since there were leaving the next morning, I asked them to not get a birthday cake until they got back so I wouldn’t be left with all the leftovers to deal with.  Being on a diet, a birthday cake is bad enough to deal with, but being left with all of the leftovers would have killed me.

On Friday night I needed to run to Walmart, and mom asked me to grab a birthday cake for my delayed birthday dinner.  Normally we buy cakes from a mid-western grocery store chain named Hy-Vee, but since I was going to Walmart any way, why not get it there?  I picked one out, and while it didn’t look quite as good as a Hy-Vee cake, it looked fine.

I get home, mom and I have a piece (dad skips) and it tasted a bit minty while eating it, but not horrible.  I was sadly unimpressed and regretted not making a side trip to Hy-Vee, but oh well.  And then it began … 10 minutes later I could still taste it … 20 minutes later and my mouth felt greasy … 30 minutes later I’m eating stuff to try to cover this horrible taste in my mouth.  I drink a cup of hot tea, I brush my teeth and so on, and the taste just will not go away.  I finally go to bed, figuring it will have to stop feeling like my mouth is coated in oil by the next morning.

WRONG!  I wake up the next morning still being able to taste it.  Although we had eaten two pieces of it, we opted to return it, and that’s where it gets worse.

My father took it back, and as the door greeter asked him what was wrong, dad told him and the employee went off about the bakery and how they need to be told they make garbage … lovely.  Dad goes to the returns desk, tells them the story, and dad makes a comment about it being so bad that it almost had to be intentionally messed up, and to his shock the returns desk person goes, “I wouldn’t be too surprised by that.”

Okay, if two employees aren’t shocked by accusations such as this, and instead seem to take it in stride and agree with you, perhaps you need to be talking with your bakery about reviewing its products and improving?  I mean, call me crazy if you must, but this is just silly.  We called and talked to the store manager and all that got us was an apology (we weren’t looking for anything financial as they had allowed us to return the cake), but not even a “perhaps it’s time we reviewed the bakery,” or anything else.

At least I have a Hy-Vee cake now … and the taste of Hell Cake is almost out of my mouth … and I can promise you a Walmart cake shall never darken my door again.

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