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January 7 2016

The Movies of 2016 – 3rd Quarter

Welcome to the first of four parts of an analysis of every major film release of 2016.

Following up on last year’s project, I’m back with a look at the films of 2016. And as usual, I will be breaking it down by quarters and then an overall review.

There are some clear, “What in the world were they thinking?” projects coming out this year, and there are some that I think will surprise all of us.

Hopefully you enjoy this as it is a huge undertaking each year, but one I enjoy doing.

Please note that titles and release dates can change at any time, none of these are written in stone.

July

The BFG

Release Date: July 1

A young girl and a Big Friendly Giant (Mark Rylance) must save mankind from the bad giants.

Analysis: Spielberg directing a story from Roald Dahl? I’m in.

The Purge 3

Release Date: July 1

Tarzan

Release Date: July 1

It has been years since the man once known as Tarzan (Alexander Skarsgård) left the jungles of Africa behind for a gentrified life in London as John Clayton III, Lord Greystoke, with his beloved wife, Jane Porter (Margot Robbie) at his side. Now, he has been invited back to the Congo to serve as a trade emissary of Parliament, unaware that he is a pawn in a deadly convergence of greed and revenge, masterminded by the corrupt Belgian Captain Rom (Christoph Waltz).

Analysis: Again? Really? Does anyone remember the last time a Tarzan movie made money?

Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates

Release Date: July 8

Two brothers place an online ad to find dates for a wedding and the ad goes viral.

Analysis: Great cast with the likes of Anna Kendrick, Aubrey Plaza, Zac Efron and so on. Will be a moderate hit I think.

The Secret Life of Pets

Release Date: July 8

Taking place in a Manhattan apartment building, Max’s life as a favorite pet is turned upside down, when his owner brings home a sloppy mongrel named Duke. They have to put their quarrels behind, when they find out that an adorable white bunny named Snowball is building an army of abandoned pets determined to take revenge on all happy-owned pets and their owners.

Analysis: The trailer made me laugh out loud, but that’s probably the pet owner in me.

Ghostbusters

Release Date: July 15

La La Land

Release Date: July 15

A jazz pianist falls for an aspiring actress in Los Angeles.

Analysis: Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling… might do something. It’s good counter-programming in the heart of the blockbuster season.

The Lake

Release Date: July 15

A team of Navy SEALs discover an underwater treasure in a Bosnian lake.

Analysis: The marketing is going to have to be killer on this because the title is horrible.

Ice Age: Collision Course

Release Date: July 22

Scrat’s epic pursuit of the elusive acorn catapults him into the universe where he accidentally sets off a series of cosmic events that transform and threaten the Ice Age World. To save themselves, Sid, Manny, Diego, and the rest of the herd must leave their home and embark on a quest full of comedy and adventure, travelling to exotic new lands and encountering a host of colorful new characters.

Analysis: No reason to think this won’t do well just as the rest of the series has.

Knights of the Roundtable: King Arthur

Release Date: July 22

Analysis: Nothing official on this yet except it may be from the viewpoint of Lancelot. It’s directed by Guy Ritchie and features Charlie Hunnam as Arthur… not betting a lot on this one.

Star Trek Beyond

Release Date: July 22

The further adventures of James T. Kirk (Chris Pine), Spock (Zachary Quinto) and the rest of the Enterprise crew.

Analysis: Not much is known on this one yet, but it can’t be any worse than Into Darkness. With Simon Pegg co-writing the script my hopes are up.

The Space Between Us

Release Date: July 29

A young man raised by scientists on Mars returns to Earth to find his father.

Analysis: Decent cast with Asa Butterfield and Gary Oldman, but I need to see more on it before making a call.

Untitled Next Bourne Chapter

Release Date: July 29

Analysis: Matt Damon is back. It will do well.

August

Suicide Squad

Release Date: August 5

Supervillains accept a secret government mission that will likely result in their deaths.

Analysis: This is a weird place for Warner Brothers to take the DC Cinematic Universe this early on, but it should be unlike any other costumed character film we’ve seen.

Ben-Hur

Release Date: August 12

A Hebrew prince (Jack Huston) survives years of slavery to take vengeance on his adopted brother (Toby Kebbell), now a Roman officer, who falsely accused him of treason.

Analysis: Morgan Freeman is the only member of the cast I recognize immediately. Don’t predict good things for this one.

Pete’s Dragon

Release Date: August 12

A young orphan seeks refuge from his abusive adoptive parents with the help of a pet dragon and a couple who live in a lighthouse.

Analysis: The 1977 version really doesn’t need a remake, but Disney seems to love doing that lately. It will probably do well.

Sausage Party

Release Date: August 12

One sausage’s quest to discover the truth about his existence. After falling out of a shopping cart, our hero sausage and his new friends embark on a perilous journey through the supermarket to get back to their aisles before the Fourth of July sale.

Analysis: Complete bust. It’s Seth Rogen and his normal crew doing an adult animated film… it has been a LONG time since an adult animated film has worked. Don’t see that changing.

The Shack

Release Date: August 12

A grieving man receives a mysterious, personal invitation to meet with God at a place called “The Shack.”

Analysis: Faith based movies are in and working right now. This one has some names attached to (Sam Worthington, Octavia Spencer) so it should do well.

Spectral

Release Date: August 12

A sci-fi/thriller story centered on a special-ops team that is dispatched to fight supernatural beings that have taken over New York City.

Analysis: Unknown cast and crew. Tough call until we see some footage.

Arms and the Dudes

Release Date: August 19

Two arms dealers, Efraim Diveroli and David Packouz, secure a $300 million government contract to supply weapons for US allies in Afghanistan. They soon find themselves in danger abroad and in trouble back home.

Analysis: Jonah Hill and Miles Teller, so there’s some talent here. Could be interesting.

Kubo and the Two Strings

Release Date: August 19

Kubo lives a quiet, normal life in a small shoreside village until a spirit from the past turns his life upside down by re-igniting an age-old vendetta. This causes all sorts of havoc as gods and monsters chase Kubo who, in order to survive, must locate a magical suit of armor once worn by his late father, a legendary Samurai warrior.

Analysis: Great cast with a unique look, but I don’t imagine it doing much at the box office.

A Man in the Dark

Release Date: August 26

A group of teens break into a blind man’s home thinking they’ll get away with the perfect crime. They’re wrong.

Analysis: Another unknown cast and crew. Tough call until we see some footage.

Mechanic: Resurrection

Release Date: August 26

Arthur Bishop returns as the Mechanic in the sequel to the 2011 global hit. When someone from his past forces him back into the business, Bishop has to complete an impossible list of assassinations of the most dangerous men in the world.

Analysis: It’s a Jason Statham film… things will explode. A core audience will see it. That’s about it.

The Infiltrator

Release Date: August 31

A U.S. Customs official uncovers a money laundering scheme involving Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar.

Analysis: Great cast (Bryan Cranston, John Leguizamo), perfectly situated at the end of summer. Should do well.

Patient Zero

Release Date: August 31

A supervirus has turned humankind into highly intelligent, streamlined killers, and an asymptomatic victim who can communicate with the infected must lead the last survivors on a hunt for Patient Zero and a cure.

Analysis: Natalie Dormer, Matt Smith, Stanley Tucci… might go somewhere. I just personally hate virus movies.

September

Untitled New Line Horror Film

Release Date: September 9

Analysis: Well… since I know absolutely nothing about it, it will feature actors saying lines.

When the Bough Breaks

Release Date: September 16

A surrogate mom for a couple becomes dangerously obsessed with the soon-to-be father.

Analysis: Yes, because we needed this remake.

A Cure for Wellness

Release Date: September 23

Analysis: No plot revealed yet.

The Magnificent Seven

Release Date: September 23

Seven gun men in the old west gradually come together to help a poor village against savage thieves.

Analysis: Just stop it. The Seven Samurai is amazing. The original The Magnificent Seven is amazing. You can’t live up to either of these.

Sony Pictures Animation TBA

Release Date: September 23

Analysis: Not a thing I can say since I have no clue other than it’s animated. Ooo… pretty colors.

Storks

Release Date: September 23

Two storks hate their job delivering babies to new parents. So, they try to uncover the truth behind this long-told legend.

Analysis: Sounds cute, should do ok.

Deepwater Horizon

Release Date: September 30

Based on the true events that occurred on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico on April 20, 2010, the story chronicles the courage of those who worked on the Deepwater Horizon and the extreme moments of bravery and survival in the face of what would become one of the biggest man-made disasters in world history.

Analysis: Not sure how exciting this can be, but with a cast like Mark Wahlberg and Kurt Russell somehow I’m expecting a lot of embellishments.

Delirium

Release Date: September 30

A man recently released from a mental institute inherits a mansion after his parents die. After a series of disturbing events, he comes to believe it is haunted.

Analysis: It stars Topher Grace. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s talented, but he’s become a punchline.

Masterminds

Release Date: September 30

In this action comedy based on true events, directed by Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite),David (Zach Galifianakis) discovers the true meaning of adventure far beyond his wildest dreams. He is a simple man stuck in a monotonous life. Day in and day out he drives an armored vehicle, transporting millions of other people’s money with no escape in sight. The only glimmer of excitement is his flirtatious work crush Kelly (Kristen Wiig) who soon lures him into the scheme of a lifetime. Along with a group of half-brained criminals led by Steve (Owen Wilson) and an absurdly faulted heist plan, David manages the impossible and makes off with $17 million in cash.only problem is he foolishly hands the money over to this wild group of double crossers and has been set up to take the fall. With the bandits blowing the millions on lavish and ridiculous luxuries, they leave behind a glaring trail of evidence. Now on the lam and in over his head, David must dodge the authorities and try to turn the tables on the ones he trusted most.

Analysis: It had a troubled production and was moved out of August of last year. This will probably bomb.



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