About once a year I blow the dust off the “Crimes of Fashion” category around here. It isn’t that I really follow fashion, but as I cruise around the Web I get exposed to bits and pieces of it, and occasionally something just leaps out at me. Well, this year the honor goes to a pair of jeans from Jean Paul Gaultier that … really, how do you describe these?
You know, I’ve always dreamed a pair of jeans that make it look like I’m carrying a load of fescues around with me.
You know what this world was lacking? Shoes with a built-in bottle opener.
Hot Topic, the chain of mall stores that has turned legions of teenagers into wanna-be vampires, have solved one of the last great problems of life on Earth: never having a bottle opener when you need it. GENIUS! I want to meet the person who came up with this concept and shake their hand… and then check to see if they have some pre-existing history of mental illness.
These 4″ stilettos sell for $39.99 (a sure sign that only quality materials were used in their construction), which, while not a king’s ransom, is still too high for shoes… with a bottle opener in them. I mean, honestly, have you ever once thought, “You know, I wish I could find a way to get food containers closet to my shoes that have walked through who knows what?” True, the opener is rather high on the shoe, but still… ew.
Let us also not forget that just about everyone has experienced a bit of splash-out when opening a bottle, so enjoy your shoe getting sticky from your favorite beverage. Another interesting question is just how many bottles still come without a screw off lid? Not that many in my experience.
I would honestly love to know how they even came up with such a contraption. How do you honestly sit around and go, “You know, women’s lives would be so much simpler if they just had a bottle opener built into their shoe.” I mean, kudos to Hot Topic if this is some odd ball demographic I’ve never heard of, but in general, this really does fall into the “What in the hell were you smoking when you thought of it” category. All I can imagine is with this chain’s focus on goth/vampire apparel, they must have been expecting a run on people buying True Blood (although I believe it has a screw off top in the television series).
I can’t take it any more… Christmas Sweaters must be banned.
While I am certainly no slave to fashion, I can be a bit harsh in sizing up other people that make really atrocious fashion choices. Like my hatred of Crocs, I think I hate Christmas sweaters with an even larger passion. The main reason for my hatred spawns from the concept that they are somehow acceptable. Oh, yes, wearing bejeweled sweaters with a theme is perfectly okay because it’s Christmas, dontcha ya know.
No, it’s not okay, now stop walking around Walmart in them!
Everyone is entitled to their personal choices in fashion, and everyone is entitled to showing their Christmas spirit, but come on folks, these things are just horrid. Name one other time during the year you would feel it’s okay to wear a sweater with large fake jewels, conchs and what looks to be a knitted mustache? If you answered “never”, like you should have, then why in the world are you wearing them around the holidays? What is it about the holidays that make people toss any sort of practical fashion sense right out the door.
I think I might even understand this a bit more if people only wore them to Christmas parties, but I see women wearing them at Walmart, while eating at Ruby Tuesday, while pumping their gas and so on and so forth. In other words, somehow in December it becomes okay to wear ugly sweaters 24/7.
Please stop. If not for yourself, think of the example you are setting for the future generations of the world. Do you really want to set bad fashion examples for the young and impressionable minds of this world? I think the sweater I’ve pictured with this post could possibly turn a person to drugs. “But, mom, I wanted to see people’s faces melt into conches just like on your sweater!”
Please, can we just give up on the Christmas sweaters in general?
For regular readers of this blog, you may have noticed this post belongs in a brand new category, “Crimes Of Fashion”. Don’t worry, this won’t happen often, I don’t think I’ve written anything about fashion since my Crocs post in June of 2007, so you know it has to be a pretty heinous fashion crime for me to speak up on it. So don’t expect me to rant about fashion all of the time, just every, oh, 18-months or so.
So, what say you, is the Christmas sweater a fashion do or don’t?
One of my co-workers at Mashable, Stan Schroeder, sent out a Twitter update about some new jeans, so I had a look, and what you see to the left is what I saw.
Apparently these brilliant things are the brain child of some fashion group named Sanna’s Brazil Fashion out of Japan. You can see more of pictures of these… things… over at their website.
I would love to know what idiot thought these were a good idea. The original blog post Stan linked to over at Style Talk actually seems to think they are a good idea, referring to them as “sensuous” and “economical” at $88 for those in the USA buying them.
All I can say is, “please don’t.” I would hope people would have enough sense not to buy these things, but you never know, but it’s about the last fashion trend I think I ever want to see taking off.
And, I’m sorry, maybe it’s a guy thing, anything that low on my hips would drive me bonkers I think. I would constantly be wanting to pull them up!
Anyway you slice it, these things are so bad, I just had to share.