My friend Nikki sent me this news story today.

Female high school teacher fired for relationship with student
The Associated Press

MULVANE, Kan. | Spectators burst into applause as the Mulvane School Board voted unanimously to fire a female high school teacher over an inappropriate relationship with an 18-year-old female student.

Tiffany Garrison, 25, had submitted her resignation from Mulvane High School well before Wednesday night’s special school board meeting, but it was not scheduled to take effect until the end of the school year.

Garrison was suspended with pay April 9 when the district started investigating the relationship. Officials in the south-central Kansas district officials have said the relationship did not involve any illegal activity such as alcohol use or anything of a sexual nature.

About 60 people attended the special board meeting, which ended with the vote to fire Garrison for reasons that included insubordination and maintaining a relationship with a student. Garrison, who did not attend the meeting, has 15 days to appeal the dismissal and request a hearing.

The girl’s parents attended the meeting and said they were “elated and relieved” by the board’s decision.

As the board was in executive session discussing the matter, the girl’s mother read the crowd a letter she had sent to board members demanding Garrison’s dismissal.

The letter said e-mails between Garrison and the girl suggested that their relationship involved more than “pure friendship” and that it involved some physical contact.

“Ms. Garrison should have never allowed the relationship to escalate past the point of teacher and student,” the letters said.

“At the present time, we feel the only appropriate and acceptable action by the Mulvane school board is to fire Ms. Garrison.”

The parents said Garrison moved out of the area after the relationship was exposed.

Now, anyone who has read my blog for more than a month or two knows of my “fondness” for student/teacher relationships. They are… oddly intriguing. Wrong, yes. Intriguing none-the-less. And of course the fact it was a lesbian situation makes it all the more intriguing to the media. Bless them, they do love their sapphic laden stories.

So, why is this even remotely funny? Remember when I talked about the April 11th episode of South Park? Ms. Garrison, formerly Mr. Garrison, discovered she was a lesbian… and is a school teacher. Oh the jokes I would love to make here.

Last week’s episode of South Park was named “Hell on Earth 2006″ and featured Satan having a Super Sweet 16 Halloween party. (Their running portrayal of Satan as either gay and/or a teenage girl at heart is always good for laugh). During the episode though, the following scene took place at Satan’s party, mind you it was full of dead people:(Taken from the South Park Scriptorium)

Frank Sinatra: Hey, Satan, you got a little problem.

Satan: What?

Frank Sinatra: Somebody showed up in a Crocodile Hunter costume. It’s really offending some of the other guests.

Satan: Oh jeez. [walks over to the offending guest, who happens to be none other than Steve Irwin, with a stingray attached to his chest. Steve looks around with a smile on his face. Satan arrives] Hey, uh, hi, listen, dude, ya know, the whole Crocodile Hunter thing? It… it’s just a little soon, you know? I mean, he just dies a few weeks ago and… it’s just not supercool and you gotta leave.

Steve Irwin: But it’s me, Satan. Steve Irwin. I am the Crocodile Hunter.

Satan: [thinks a moment] Oh… oh, but then, dude, no costume. Sorry, you gotta go. [two bouncers come and escort him away]

Steve Irwin: Wait! I thought we were friends!

So, yeah, they went after Steve Irwin…or did they? There is an uproar with some bloggers saying they will stop watching the show and a media watchdog group in England calling for the scene to be pulled. Did I find it offensive? A bit. Do I think they shouldn’t have done it? Probably not. Will I stop watching the show? Nope. South Park, to me, is one of the greatest arguments ever for free speech. They take on all subjects with an equal amount of gusto, and that is only possible in a free speech system.

Now, as for people pulling their support of the show over one joke…good riddance. This reminds me a lot of the whole Isaac Hayes debacle from earlier this year. He stood by the show for years as they took on other religions, but when they got to his, Scientology, he left the show. It’s slightly different working on the show from watching it, but if you have sat and laughed at the other episode, how can you decide the whole show is a wash because of one joke? It is the height of hypocrisy to me. “Oh, well, it was ok to laugh at this offensive joke, but not this!” Whatever.

What kills me was the other things going on in this episode that no one is saying a word about. Catholic priests leading naked young boys around in harnesses and on leashes. Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy, and Jeffrey Dahmer as modern-day Three Stooges trying to bake a cake for Satan. But no, no, only the Steve Irwin joke was offensive.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone were doing a press junket at the Television Critics Assn, to promote an upcoming “Best Of” DVD of South Park, some old stories got new twists.

- It was heavily hinted that “Trapped In The Closet” was pulled from it’s reruns due to pressure from Tom Cruise. It returns to the rotation on July 19th. This may be in part to it was the only episode Trey & Matt submitted to the Emmys, and it was nominated. Gee, win awards, get your episode back on the air. If it had not aired, there was going to be problems over it now.

- Issac Hayes did quit over Scientology being picked on, and they kind of expected it.

- They are afraid of getting “Tom Cruise stink” on them.

- After “Cartoon Wars” aired, where they picked on Family Guy with a vengance, The Simpsons sent them flowers, and King Of The Hill staff sent them thank you notes.

You can find more info about the press confernce at TVWeek Blog, Seattle P.I., LA Times, and the Washington Post.

South Park is over, and as the title promised, it was indeed “The Return of Chef!”. They used pieced together sound clips of Isaac Hayes from various episodes to provide his voice and made no effort to hide it, just adding to the comedic effect.

In short, the episode was brilliant. We learn that Chef left town to join the Super Adventure Club (SAC), which sounds innocent enough. Upon his return to town though, the boys can tell something is…different about Chef, and it’s not his stilted speech pattern, it’s his desire to make love to young boys. It seems the SAC travels around the world so they can have sex with the young boys of the world. After the boys discover this, they also learn SAC brainwashed Chef and they do everything they can to bring him back to “normal”. They succeed, but in the end Chef tries to go back to the SAC and ends up being killed by a fall…then a mountain lion…and a bear. There was a funeral and then SAC rebuilds Chef in to…Darth Chef, complete with glowing spatuala.

It was much funnier than my transcript, but that’s not the point here. The episode was all about the boys (who embody creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone) trying to save their friend (Isaac Hayes) from the “silly little club”. While this episode could have been an all out attack on Isaac, it wasn’t. It was actually a touching story of how they are sad this happened and they want him to know they love him and will miss him. Kyle summed it up best at the funeral for Chef:

“A lot of us don’t agree with the choices Chef has made in the last few days. Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can’t let the events of the last week take away the memories of how Chef made us smile. I’m going to remember Chef as the jolly old guy who allways broke in to song. I’m going to remember Chef as the guy who gave us advice to live by. So you see, we shouldn’t be mad at Chef for leaving us, we should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains.”

This is one of the things that kills me about this show. People look at it and just see crass toilet humor, and I’m not denying it’s there, but if you pay actual attention to it, you will find that Trey and Matt are very passionate men about any range of subjects. If tonight’s episode is to be believed, they are hurt by what’s happened with Isaac and feel no ill-will towards him, just towards the “Church” of Scientology. I, for one, stand firmly behind Trey and Matt and applaud them for their…classy…handelling of the situation. (Yes, there was a bowel joke towards the end, so not sure you can label it classy)

Now comes the question, will Darth Chef be a recurring villian? And also, will the seeming “war” with Scientology continue?

Just when you think you know everything in the South Park Vs. Isaac Hayes story, it just keeps getting weirder! According to this story by Roger Friedman on the Fox News website, Isaac Hayes is in no shape to quit the show due to a stroke he suffered on January 17th.

The article states that Isaac has a “sly sense of humor” and still enjoyed his association with South Park, so then the question begs…who issued the now infamous press release? If it wasn’t Isaac, who was it? Or, I think the more likely scenario, this is just idle speculation on the writer’s part.

And Comedy Central issued a statemant about this Wednesday’s episode:

The launch of South Park’s tenth season is marked by the triumphant homecoming of school chef, Jerome McElroy. “The Return of Chef!” premieres Wednesday, March 22 at 10:00 p.m., only Comedy Central.The town is jolted out of a case of the doldrums when Chef suddenly reappears. While Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman are thrilled to have their old friend back, they notice that something about chef seems different. When Chef’s strange behavior starts getting him in trouble, the boys pull out all the stops to save him.

Set those VCRs/DVRs/Tivo’s boys and girls, this one should be a keeper!

By the way, if anyone would like to see the well-known Scientology episode, Trapped In The Closet, you can view it here.

Well, it seems Comedy Central pulled the Wednesday night repeat of the infamous “Trapped In The Closet” episode of South Park. It was replaced with two Chef-centric (Isaac Hayes) episodes instead. Some rumors are circulating that this was prompted by Tom Cruise threatening to not promote Missioin Impossible 3, which will be released by the same company that owns Comedy Central. You can read more about all that here.

What I’m getting to though is not so much if the Tom Cruise aspect is true or not, but what Trey Parker & Matt Stone said to Scientologists when they thought Cruise was invovled:

“So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!”

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu.”

Oh those nutty guys. I just hope they are willing to stick to their guns, because this COULD get ugly if Scientology really did choose to go after them. They may all be a bunch of nutters, but they are nutters with money.

So, I have been posting a lot about this, and I thought maybe it was time I did give you more than just my opinion on the cultists…I mean Scientoligists. So I recommend:

Wikipedia’s Entry on Scientology
Wikipedia’s Entry on Xenu
Operation Clambake, considered the leading anti-Scientology site
Why are they dead, Scientology?, is a list of people that have died in and around the “church”

And there is much more out there. And if you need even more evidence, well…have you seen Tom Cruise recently? Jumping up and down on couches and acting like a deranged man? How about his attacks on Brooke Shields? Yeah…that’s the poster boy for Scientology.

I have a feeling the South Park/Scientology war ins’t over, and I, for one, am glad. The longer it lasts, the more people learn about the insanity that is this “church”. Don’t just take my word for it though, go out and read the sites I listed above. And make sure to tune in to the new episode of South Park this coming Wednesday at 10:00 PM EST/9:00 PM CST…I am sure SOMETHING will be said.

From an interview on AVClub.com dated January 4th, 2006:

AVC: There’s some pretty harsh satire on South Park. They don’t really care who they offend.

IH: Well, I talked to Matt and Trey about that. They didn’t let me know until it was done. I said, “Guys, you have it all wrong. We’re not like that. I know that’s your thing, but get your information correct, because somebody might believe that shit, you know?” But I understand what they’re doing. I told them to take a couple of Scientology courses, and understand what we do. [Laughs.]

Um…so two months later he acts like this? Was it a slow burn of anger? Was it the fact season 10 is about to start? Was it the fact that Scientology told him to cut his ties with them? Who knows. All I know is, he looks like a bigger fool the more I hear about this.

I was bored the other night

If you want to make your own South Park person, go here. A word on the checkered shirt, it’s a Ska thing. During the Two Tone movement in England, black-and-white checks came to represent the racial harmony that was a cornerstone of the sub-culture.

On December 7th, Comedy Central aired the ninth season’s finale of South Park. The episode was entitled “Bloody Mary” and dealt with the dual themes of Alcoholics Anonymous and a statue of the Virgin Mary that was bleeding from the ass. Yes, it was the typical South Park oddness. Yes, it was gross. Yes, it was funny. And finally, yes, it was offensive.

Isn’t that what South Park is all about though? Has there ever been an episode that didn’t offend at least a few people? South Park is about irrevrance and flying in the face of established icons of society. They have taken on just about every icon you can think of from the goverment, to religion to terrorism, and Viacom, the parent company of Comedy Central, has always stood by them. Not this time.

After the December 7th airing of “Bloody Mary”, the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights started complaining to Viacom about the episode for portraying the Virgin Mary and Pope Benedict XVI in such a manner. (The Virgin Mary statue shot blood on to the Pope) Last night, December 28th, Comedy Central was scheduled to show the episode again, but without explanation, the episode was replaced with a much older episode. When the press contacted Comedy Central for a comment, they did not respond. The Catholic League did get a response from Joseph A. Califano Jr., a member of Viacom’s board, who also happens to be a Roman Catholic. He was offended by the episode and promised to have Viacom president and CEO Tom Freston take a look at the episode.

Folks, let me make it clear, I am NOT attacking Catholics for being offended by this episode, or even their calling for the episode to be yanked. I believe they had every right to complain about this episode. What I am complaining about is Comedy Central/Viacom caving in to the complaints. Again, this is a case of political correctness rearing it’s ugly head. The most powerful vote a person has is their remote control. If you don’t like what is on, turn the channel! Why should anyone tell me what I can’t watch? I find lots of things offensive, but I just simply turn the channel and don’t worry about it. I don’t see any reason that my view of the world should be forced on to everyone else. Viacom should have told the Catholic League they appreciated their comments, but that is what the show is about and they would go their seperate ways.

The big question now is what will happen to the DVD release. The Catholic League called for the episode to not only not air again, but they also want the episode kept out of the season nine DVD set. Viacom pulled the episode, all screen caps have been removed from the South Park press site and from the South Park section of Comedy Central’s website. If they caved this much, will they do it on the DVDs also? An item that a person has to choose to pay for, choose to put in their DVD player and choose to push play? The idea that any group can dictate what I watch, even to the point of what I put in my personal player…it makes me sick. This is the United States of America, home of the free? Land of free speech? Well…only so long as someone doesn’t whine about it, then it’s Land of the Whiners.

Let me stress this again…if you don’t like what’s on, turn the channel on YOUR TV, not on mine.

For the first time ever, I am actually going to use the term “jumped the shark“. I have fought it for years, even as it became more popular, but now is the time for me to use it.

The Simpsons have jumped the shark. Not only have they jumped the shark, they couldn’t even stick the landing.

I came to this conclusion when I finally watched this previous Sunday’s episode, “Marge’s Son Poisoning“, wherein Marge and Bart finally begin to bond over going to a tea room together. I did not laugh once in the entire episode. I didn’t even crack a smile. I watched totally dumbfounded at just how bad this show really has gotten. Sure, people have talked for years that the show has become unfunny, but I always thought they were overstating things. My first clue was when I also failed to laugh at this year’s Treehouse of Terror XVI episode. Almost always an assured laugh, this year’s was just a complete disaster.

I understand it is hard to keep a show fresh, especially after 17 seasons, but tonight South Park proved that no matter how old a show gets, it can remain fresh and exceptionally edgy. This weeks episode, “Trapped in the Closet“, focused on taking on the absurdity that is the Church of Scientology. Not only did they reveal the embaressing secrets of the “churches” beliefs (Oh, please go read the Wikipedia entry about Xenu…all will be explained…I will tease you that it includes aliens, space planes and volcanos, oh my!) they took on two of the most notable celebrity believers, Tom Cruise and John Travolta. It did split the story a bit as the Cruise stuff focused on him hiding in Stan’s closet and refusing to come out of the closet….yeah…you got it, but every moment of this episode was a gem down to the closing credits.

Sure, South Park is only it’s ninth season, and The Simpsons are in their seventeenth, but South Park is still going strong and fresh. I also feel South Park is one of the best satirical shows in the history of the Television medium. To see such a horrendous episode of The Simpsons in the same night as one of the best South Parks ever, just made it even more obvious how badly The Simpsons are decling. Do yourself a favor, skip The Simpsons from here on out and use the time to watch even old South Park episodes.