Oprah Winfrey has closed the door on her show after 25 years on the air.

… Thank heavens that’s over.

I’ve been pretty clear over the years I’ve had this blog that I just plum don’t like Oprah.  Now, my dislike for her doesn’t quite reach my level of hatred for Rachael Ray, but she’d have to kill someone to catch up with “The Evil One.”

I’ve never cared for Oprah, but whens he first popped back int he mid-80′s, she seemed mostly harmless.  Then came the “Oprah’s Favorite Things”, “Oprah’s Book Club”, O Magazine and on and on.  She was no longer just some harmless little talk show, she had turned into the leader of something that closely resembled a cult.  Whatever she told her group to do, they did it, and gladly.  She could make and break authors (and some of them nearly broke her …), she could bring corporations to their knees by promoting their products and then sometimes she carelessly threw around her power like she did with the school in Africa.

Will never understand how this woman came to mean so much to so many people.  She was a talk show host.  Period.  She did not cure a disease.  She didn’t bring a baby out of a burning building.  She didn’t even help an old woman across the street.  She talked to a whole lot of people and yelled their names.  This somehow turned her into a media mogul that unleashed people like Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz and … yes … Rachael Ray (like I didn’t already dislike Oprah enough).

The only solace I take in all of this, her new OWN Network is not doing well an the numbers are dropping rapidly on the fledgling cable network.  Apparently her magic somehow didn’t carry over to a channel dedicated to her.  Fine by me.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any ill will towards Oprah, I just think she was … well … useless.  She was no different than any of the other hundreds of talk show hosts that have existed over the years except that she was spectacular at self-promotion.

After 25 years, Oprah is off my daily airwaves, and I couldn’t be happier.  Adios, Oprah, your only redeeming quality was your love of Cocker Spaniels.

Can the Food Network be classified as an addictive drug yet?

While I’ll admit to having spent some time watching the Food Network, most specifically when they were first running the Japanese version of Iron Chef, I can’t say I’m a huge devotee of the channel.  With that being said, I seem to watch/hear more of this channel than any one human should ever have to.

You see, as loyal readers know, I live with my parents.  I believe my mother only knows the location of two channels on DirecTV, and those are the Food Network and HGTV.  I figured this was only an issue in my house, but when recently speaking with a married friend of mine, the subject of Iron Chef came up, and that led to us discussing the Food Network in general.  I mentioned my situation with my mom, and he said that ever since he got married he felt those were the only two channels ever on in his house.

I thought about it some more, and I realized that another female friend of mine, also married, also seems to watch the Food Network exclusively.

Is there something about this channel that men are incapable of comprehending?  I’m not some sports fanatic, so it isn’t like I’m opposed to exploring other channels or I have to be watching ESPN 24/7, so it’s not the concept of the channel somehow offends my sensibilities, but how can anyone stand to watch that many hours of people having cake decorating competitions?  If I have to hear one more story from Ina Garten on the Barefoot Contessa about how she has to have a meal prepared before her guests arrive, I may scream.

The only concession I get is that the channel does get turned off any time Rachael Ray comes on as my hatred of that woman is well-known, and there is a fear of me hurling something at the screen.  However, during those slivers of time where I receive a reprieve from endlessly steaming pots of boiling water, I get treated to House Hunters on HGTV.  We own a house … why are we watching a show about people hunting for a house?  Is there something I’m missing about a show where people wander through homes nitpicking every little thing, obviously hamming it up for the cameras?

I digress.  I do realize it isn’t just women who watch the Food Network as my father has an unhealthy obsession with one of their competition shows, Chopped.  So, yes, men can and do watch the channel, but I have yet to find one who watches it for hours on end like the women I have mentioned in this post.

I don’t get the attraction, and I’m not sure I want to either.

Tyra Banks is calling an end to her show after this season … and this worries me.

I have never watched the Tyra Banks Show, it just isn’t my style, but with The Oprah Winfrey Show ending in 2011, I’m actually concerned by what is going to come into replace these shows.  Daytime television is already a wasteland of pop-psychiatry, questionable medical advice, endless courtroom shows and Satan Rachael Ray.  The vacancy created by these two shows opens up the playing field to even more suspect programming.

Rumors have floated around for some time now that Kate Goselin is in talks for her own talk show.  You know, she of the eight children and the husband who seems to be on the cover of every tabloid as of late.  Yes, can you imagine that pain on a daily basis?

Sure, I have my problems with Oprah Winfrey, but I fear the unknown factor even more.  I am sure whatever replaces these two shows will be watched as much as I currently watch daytime television, which is to say not at all (okay, fine, I TiVo The Young and the Restless …), but considering you can’t escape the social impact these shows have, an even worse replacement could be a bad thing.

By the way, Oprah, the Queen of Daytime, is departing, do you really think now is the best time for any of the current players to drop out?  Who knows how much of her audience another show could pick up in that fallout, but, no, it’s better to drop your show just short of finding out.  Yeah, that’s bright.

Is this an Earth shattering matter of importance?  Nope.  Not even close.  However, it is important from a societal impact.  Lets face it, is there any one who doesn’t know who Oprah is?  You’ve heard of Tyra’s show at least in passing, so whomever takes over these prime spots of daytime real estate could quite probably influence millions of people and billions of dollars in marketing power.  Make a bit more sense why you should question what shows will be replacing them?

For some reason Nightline though Rachael Ray was worth interviewing, and the subject of those infamous FHM photos came up.

I say “infamous” because for the life of me I have never been able to figure out why FHM thought they was reason enough to ask her to pose, and then why she was willing to accept.  Although she may have accepted because she originally thought the title stood for “Food and Home”.

Yeah… I know… she’s a brain trust as that would have been”FandH”,  “FaH” or “FH”, not “FHM”.  No one ever said she was quick.

What we did learn from the interview, which I did not watch, but saw the clip later, was that her mother was, and still if, furious over the photos.  Yet, oddly, her husband was all for them!  Imagine that.  Truly surprising.

I have never made my utter hatred of this woman exactly a secret around this blog, but I truly can’t figure out why anyone finds her even remotely interesting.  The fact that Nightline wanted to interview her is odd enough, but why bring up these photos that were published in 2003?  Did anyone even remember they were still out there?  Did anyone even care?  Cynthia McFadden, the reporter interviewing her, acted like it was some great revelation they even existed.  Anyone who has ever done an Internet search on the woman’s name has seen them, even I knew they existed and I can’t stand the woman!

You can watch the video on the Nightline site if you want (I couldn’t find an embed feature), but it just makes me laugh how the whole subject is broached like its some horrid secret from her past.

As long time readers of my blog will attest, I despise Rachael Ray. I have even likened her to “Satan’s evil servant“, she annoys me just that much. However, and this may cause the Earth to be torn asunder… I think this criticism of her is just ludicrous.

In a recent online ad for Dunkin’ Donuts, Ms. Ray is seen wearing a scarf that some people, mainly conservative bloggers, say looks too much like a keffiyeh. Once the controversy started, the donut chain originally said they would not pull the ad, but they have now bowed to pressure, and it has been removed.

For those unfamiliar with the piece of clothing, yes, it has been adopted by the Palestinians, but the keffiyeh has a long history, and is even used by British and American troops in Iraq to help with the arid conditions. It is a utilitarian garment, as well as a symbol to some.

In the case of the one around Ms. Ray’s neck in the ad… it’s not. It’s just a normal scarf with some strings coming off of it. To me, I’m sorry, it doesn’t even really look like a keffiyeh. They tend to be more square, and larger. What is around Ms. Ray’s neck is obviously thinner, and cut as a scarf.

Of course, Michelle Malkin, the author of the previously linked blog post, thought to cut off such an argument from me after the company had already pulled the ad:

It’s refreshing to see an American company show sensitivity to the concerns of Americans opposed to Islamic jihad and its apologists. Too many of them bend over backward in the direction of anti-American political correctness. Naturally, liberal commentators on the Internet are now up in arms over Dunkin’ Donuts’ decision to yank the ad and mock anyone who expresses concern over the keffiyeh’s symbolism.

It’s just a scarf, the clueless keffiyeh-wearers scoff. Would they say the same of fashion designers who marketed modified Klan-style hoods in Burberry plaid as the next big thing?

Of course I would be offended by “Klan-style hoods in Burberry plaid”, but, sorry, I’m not offended by a scarf that MIGHT look like a keffiyeh to some. (If anything, the tassels remind me more of a Jewish prayer shawl than a keffiyeh, but, hey, what do I know, it’s still just a scarf.) I’m fully against jihad, and I am rather blunt in my hatred of extremists, Islamic or otherwise, but I also don’t go around seeing Communists under my bed either. Oh, make no mistake, this is exactly like McCarthyism where the whole country was seeing communists everywhere they turned, now we’re just seeing Islamic jihadists under our beds… and hawking donuts.

Is this what the country is coming to? We are now going to police fashion for something that may, or may not, look like a piece of clothing terrorists wear? You know, Osama Bin Laden has been pictured many times in olive drab military garb, are we now going to say everyone wearing olive drab military garb is an Al Qaeda sympathizer? Wow… our military is going to have issues then.

Honestly, I know it’s difficult coming up with blog posts all the time, but come on, really? This was the best a bunch of them could do? “Look, it’s black and white… those Islamic jihadist-loving bastards have infiltrated our coffee!” You’ll convince me this was even remotely jihadist in nature when Rachel is sitting in a cave with a machine gun propped against the wall, until then, give it a rest, and peddle your McCarthy communist hunt somewhere else, folks.

Now… I must go claw my eyes out for actually defending Rachael Ray -shudder-

Dear Satan,

As I see your dark influence spreading across the Earth, I felt it was time I threw my hat in to your ring to hedge my bets. You know, in case your plan actually works.

Your Dark Disciple, Rachael Ray…as I know you have so many, most of them in politics, has again opened her enormous mouth and set loose the dark bile from her chipmunk cheeks, to spew forth another cog in her Dark Empire…a burger joint. I mean, it must be your work since the article said:

“Tuna burgers, swordfish burgers, turkey burgers,” Ray said, “I like anything you can pick up with your hands — portable food.” Ray said she also plans to open fast-food versions of the flagship.

A fast food chain serving swordfish burgers? Obviously your dark handy work. Not to mention that her magazine is going from a circulation of 350,000 for the first issue to 1.6 million for the 13th. Having written for magazines, I know what an insanely larger number that is. Again, an obvious sign of your being involved.

So, as your dark disciple does her work, please be kind enough to spare some of us.

Sean

It’s amazing the pain I will put myself through for a blog entry. I decided if I was going to conitnue to complain about Rachael Ray, as I do from time to time, then I should at least watch one episode of her talk show out of fairness.

How was it? The doctor says my eyes and ears will stop bleeding eventually. I tried to be fair to it, I honestly did, but it is just a huge jumbled mess! There is no seeming theme to the episode except for Rachael to “um” and “ah” a LOT. The episode I watched in question was the Friday, Septerber 22nd installment. The episode consisted of:

Come out

Introduce her in-laws, say “I love you” to her husband, say hello to some other friend

Tell some funny animal stories, followed by audience telling funny animal stories

Rachael has a “cook-off” with a Zoo keeper in feeding Polar Bears, she wins

Visit by warm weather Penguins, pass out snacks to the audience

Segment on how to maintain your freezer

Visit to the set of Las Vegas (where she made an ass out of herself to the stars)

Little dog plays poker with Rachael…yes, you read that correctly

Questions from kids, which “She could do all day!” This led to the quote “I’m getting stomach hungry…”

She makes the meal she made for the Polar Bears for people

I think I may have missed one or two things, but that’s because it’s a giant jumbled mess! If you want to do an animal themed episode, which I’m guessing it was supposed to be, instead of the freezer segment, do something on cleaning up after your pets, or innovative ways of feeding them. Toss the Las Vegas segment and instead visit a TV show that at least FEATURES an animal!

And of course this isn’t to say anything of her personal habits that drive me nuts. Her cackling laugh which makes my skin crawl? First thing you hear in the opening credits. Rachael seems to think she’s fat and takes every oppurtunity to state such. While she’s cooking, the insane usage of “EVOO” and “Yum-o!” persists from her other shows. And she’s rude! No “thank you”s, no “please”s, and she was even snippy with an audience member for standing up for too long after she gave her animal story. “You can sit down now. What do you want, an award?” Yikes woman!

Add in the news she is now releasing themed-cds (How Cool Is That Christmas CD), and it just seems like people can’t get enough of this woman, but I would love to know who these people are! Well…we know one of them is Oprah since she is producing the Evil One’s new talk show, but beyond that, I just don’t get it.

And yes, I know my writing about her makes no sense, but it’s my blog and it lets me vent!